I don’t know about you, but my Christmas spirit has been missing this year.
Last year, the best I could do was delete my social media accounts and shut the world out. Nurture and creativity were my allies last year and are likely to be so again.
December tends to get me evaluating the relationships in my life. Which ones are working? Which ones could I put more energy in to? Which ones don’t put enough energy in to me? Which ones do I miss the most and which ones would I miss if they were gone tomorrow?
This year, I am missing my daddy. He has been gone for more than 5 years and this year feels tougher than ever without him. (Time is not a healer, clearly, for me.)
In many ways, he was my relationship role model. Though we would often clash, he taught me what matters. Time and love. He made time for everyone. He would be visiting someone different on all of his lunch breaks. He knew how to make people feel special and cared for. He couldn’t bare to be away from his granddaughter for more than a day, so he would be on my door step at 6.30am after finishing a night shift. There was nothing my dad wouldn’t do to cram in some time with the people he loved. That’s who I want to be for my children and their children to come.
One thing my dad did that I will never do though, is leave myself out. When you forget to take care of yourself, or make yourself less of a priority, you burn out.
I may be not be feeling festive but that’s okay. Right now, I’m feeling stressed and emotional as hell. So first things first, tuck myself up on the sofa with a duvet, a hot chocolate and some trashy telly to re-charge. Hopefully if I stay there long enough, my Christmas cheer will know where to find me.
I hope your Christmas is whatever you need it to be.